People watching. 
One of my favorite ways to pass the time while traveling.
Over the years I’ve seen a lot of different, interesting folks. From families on vacation (really kid…stuffed animals?), business men out to make a buck (no, you don’t own the whole plane), elderly couples in wheelchairs (you may not want to use the moving sidewalk) and basic general public (wonder where they are going?).
Recently there were 3 college age boys (yes “boys”) that were on their way somewhere. I was sitting in my Southwest provided leather gate area chair, complete with USB port and power outlet…and they were standing next to me, in a circle, going on about their jobs and their investments, waxing poetically about large companies they thought were cool and sharing insights with each other about how their 5, 7 and 10 year plans were gonna play out.
It was time to board the plane. Our gate agent gave the instructions (see previous post). I boarded and picked my window seat.
After I get comfortable in my seat, I like to watch the rest of the people come down the aisle. (“A” boarding pass here…again, see previous post). It’s always a crap shoot as to who will be choosing the seat(s) next to you.
*Here comes a woman with a baby…don’t look her in the eye.
*Teenage girls, complete with attitude…where’s my headphones?
*Hippie lookin’ guy carrying what looks like a lunch bag, complete with grease stain…experience tells me whatever is in that bag, is gonna have a stench!
*Big guy, really big guy, really really big guy…sigh.
Here come the 3 college boys, still, talking, about, life. Luckily they can’t sit with me…there are only 2 seats here.
They pass me…and choose a row, two rows behind me.
Some older lady (i.e. not a teenage girl with an attitude) chooses the aisle seat in my row…our middle seat goes unclaimed. YES!
Now. Time to try and relax.
I don’t really fall asleep on a plane. I’ll nod off, but my own snoring, or that giant bobble-head, jell-o neck snap that happens as soon as you do fall asleep, wakes me up.
Any way, I tried to sleep…but noooooo. So, after the failed dream land, I grab the Sky-Mall magazine…
Side note: Nothing has changed in the Sky-Mall magazine. For. Ever. Garage items, doggy ramps, tree faces, learn a language cd’s, pool items and hose winders. They’re all still there.
…and look for something new. Nope.
Just as I grab my trusty iPhone to listen to the latest Bob & Tom Show Podcast and try to get 3 stars on each Angry Birds level…I hear the 3 college boys talking…
Side note: Nothing has change in the 3 college boys conversation from the time they were waiting at the gate 39,000 feet below us ago.
College Boy #1: “I think diversifying my portfolio will help us in the long run”
College Boy #2: “The reliability of the Mercedes far exceeds that of the Lexus”
College Boy #3: “After my internship, I plan on starting my own practice and…”
*RECORD NEEDLE SCRATCH!
WHAT!? Really?
Ok…I’m all for chasing your dreams. And, I memorized the 7 P’s (Prior Proper Planning Prevents Piss Poor Performance) a long time ago…I get it. But this goes on for the entire flight. Not just regular talking and conversation…they are all talking at the same time. It reminds me of my Grandmother, Mother-in-Law, the Woman He Gave Me and My Sister-In-Law…(no offense…and I’ve said this before in front of them…and they claim to know what each other is saying…but, wha?) talking at Easter Dinner.
More…penetrating the din of my Bob & Tom laughter and Angry Birds tweets and crashes…I can hear them talking…
College Boy #1: “The prices here compared to the overseas market….”
College Boy #2: “The future lies in understanding the ebb and flow of…”
College Boy #3: “I think Steve Jobs does a good job of…”
*RECORD NEEDLE SCRATCH!
OH NO HE D’ENT! Did he just invoke the name of Steve Jobs? Did he just say Uncle Steve does a “good” job?
I turned so fast to see which precious college boy dare think he had the knowledge enough to critique the 4th person of the Trinity that my already throbbing neck muscles began to bleed through my pores.
Again, I’m all for trying to emulate the best. I’m a dreamer. But, hey, Ralph Malph…when you run a company that has $45.8 billion in cash and marketable securities (yes billion), then you can have verbal opinions. Just this morning you were logging in to your HotMail account to check your class finals scores…so find someone else to say does a “good” job at running their company, like maybe, someone in the just-in-time profitability industry like the airlines I fly every week. The fact that you can fly across the country every day at a moments notice is cool. But one national attack or emergency and 4 days later they’re asking congress for a hand out. (really?…yes)
Oh and…you can’t count to 45.8 billion because that annoying purple dinosaur that taught you to count can’t count past 7. Just 7. The one after 6. My purple guy was cool before it was cool to be a vampire and he could eat 45.8 billion for breakfast!
(Breathe, breathe…it’s ok…this happened months ago and you’re just typing it out now…you’re gonna wake the lady next to you you’re typing so hard.)
So, even though I tried and tried (telepathically)…I couldn’t get them to shut up. There wasn’t a bird of any color that made enough noise to drown out this E.F. Hutton wanna-be flight. It was killing me.
Then…I started to laugh. Not nostalgically. But because, as a person with a family, a person with a job, a person will bills, a person that still dreams, I was 99% sure of how their life was gonna turn out. And that, was hilarious.
Ladies and Gentlemen we are now beginning our decent in the the Tampa area. Please make sure you seat back and tray table are in their (say it with me) upright and locked position.
Finally we land. Finally we stand. (you know the stand…that thing everyone does when the plane pulls to the gate and we still aren’t gonna get off this tube for another 10 minutes..but we do it anyway and wait for the heard to start moving)
The 3 college boys are still talking. I look at them in their pressed shirts and ties and just smirk. Some lady has now engaged them in conversation in the aisle. She seems impressed with them. They are still going on about how they are gonna “make it”.
I stretched my neck, took a breath, turned and said:
“HEY!”…
The 3 college boys looked at me. Everyone did. It was quiet.
“Then. You’re gonna get married. Have kids. AND, a mini-van. Enjoy!”
The entire plane laughed out loud and applauded!
(no they didn’t…and I didn’t say anything…but man that would have been great!)
*Todays blog was brought to you by the numbers 3…and 45.8 billion
